Attention Family and Friends of Alcoholics...
Is your life turned upside down because of
someone's abusive drinking?
If so, it's time to make some changes...
- get the the tools
- learn the skills
and help your loved one to stop drinking and
Get Sanity Back Into Your Life.
How long are you going to wait, hoping things will change and that in some miraculous way the alcoholic in your life will stop drinking? As hard as it may be to accept, the fact is, without some action in the right direction, the alcoholic in your life may never stop drinking and you could wait forever!
With the rapidly increasing number of alcoholics all over the world, more and more families are experiencing abuse, anxiety, pain and fear because of the behaviour of someone close with a drinking problem. They are desperately looking for help and for answers as to how they can cope or get out of their worsening situation and to get on with their lives.
If you want to get some normality back into your life, YOU need to start doing things differently, NOW, not just for your and your alcoholic loved one but to protect your family and others around you.
Learn the step by step strategies that will not only dramatically change your life but also play a major role towards helping your loved one to stop drinking.
Hi fellow sufferer and friend!
I'm here to help you and to assure you that you are not alone in your battle and desire to lead a “normal” life when living close to an alcoholic or someone with a serious drinking problem.
Whether the distress and concerns you are experiencing relate to...
The very fact that you've come to this site suggests that you are experiencing what millions of other people around the world are going through when someone close to them is suffering from alcoholism.
- Your mother or father
- Your boyfriend or girlfriend
- A son or daughter
- A partner or spouse...a wife or a husband
- A friend or a work colleague
I know how it feels when someone you love is creating havoc in your life because of their drinking. It feels like walking on egg shells, never knowing what to do or where to turn.
Are you feeling helpless and scared of where this madness is leading?
The chances are that...
- You and your family are suffering deeply from the erratic and destructive behaviour of the alcoholic in your life...
- You are feeling helpless, angry and scared of what the future holds...and
- You are sick and tired of constantly trying to rescue or cover up for someone who you desperately want to stop drinking but don't know how...
How great would it be to...
Then read on...as this will make the most important difference in your relationships and your life.
- Stop the insanity, get out of this mess and back to some normality of "how good life used to be"...
- Protect yourself and your family from the verbal, physical or emotional abuse as a result of the alcoholic behavior
- Learn what to do and what not to do that will help the alcoholic that you care about to stop drinking...
Too many people who are suffering like you settle for a life that's almost unbearable because they are fearful and don't understand alcohol addiction and don't know what to do or where to turn.
Are you one of them?.. Is that the kind of life you want for you and your family until "death do ye part?"
...I don't think so!
My name is Di EnglishI'm a registered nurse with over 30 years' experience working in both general and mental health nursing and for many years now, I have worked as a nurse therapist with people suffering from drug and alcohol addiction.
I have worked closely with alcohol dependent people going in and out of recovery and I have also worked closely with many of their family members and friends...People just like you!
People who never dreamed that the person they love and care about could be labelled "an alcoholic" and whose behaviour could change so dramatically as a result of their abusive drinking.
- Parents of alcoholics
- Children of alcoholics
- Husbands and wives of alcoholics
- Boyfriends, girlfriends, brothers & sisters
- And many other people from all walks of life and situations who find themselves in alcoholic relationships
I have seen their struggle and their pain and it was only when I discovered first-hand what it feels like to be close to someone I love who suffers from alcoholism that I realized the desperate need for family members to get help and support.
Having been involved so closely on both sides of the fence over the past 10 years, I have gained a balanced view with an understanding and empathy that has led me to become a key person working closely with the friends and family members who have been affected by someone's alcoholic drinking.
I KNOW and I UNDERSTAND because I've been where you are now. I know what it feels like to have someone I love, affected by the powerful and destructive mental disorder of addiction and those constant thoughts of "Why me, Why us, How did this happen?"
I have seen the destruction, the confusion, the fear, the sadness and the anger.
The effects of abuse filters down to all members of the family in one way or another. Things such as verbal abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse and the emotional abuse of children.
We call alcoholism a "Family Disease" because all members of the family, as well as friends and colleagues can get caught up in the crazy world of the alcoholic unless they learn to do things differently.
This isn't about "The Good Guys & The Bad Guys" (nobody's perfect) but the alcoholic becomes the "focus" of the family where other family members adjust their lives and accommodate the drinker in order to keep the peace.
If you want things to change and to restore some normality back into your life, you will need to learn WHAT you have to do and HOW to do it.
You need to take the focus off the alcoholic and put it back on yourself and other members of the family.
Addiction is not selective.
It affects people of all ages and from all walks of life and the effects of alcoholism permeate throughout the family and other relationships.
Because of my personal experience I can relate closely to others in similar situations and it's not unusual for me to get calls from friends or acquaintances who are experiencing family trauma due to someone's drinking.
I'm not just referring to stuff learnt from text books. I've done the research and I have facilitated hundreds of group meetings of family members desperately looking for answers to their problems.
I have helped them to find ways and tools that have changed their perspective and changed their lives.
Many people have told me how difficult it has been for them to find the kind of information that would give them answers to their questions...answers that you will find in my eBook.
That's why I created this website and why I've written this eBook... I am passionate about helping people and as I can't reach you personally, I wanted to find a way to share what I have learned through my own experience and from the experiences shared by many of the wonderful people that I have met over the years.
If you truly want to get your life back you will need to:
The disease of addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful and one of the most misunderstood of all mental disorders. Only when you understand the nature of this disease can you reach a level of acceptance and learn ways to manage your life around it.
- Get an understanding of the disease of addiction/alcoholism.
It's much easier to deny and avoid the ugly symptom of alcoholism than to accept how the verbal, physical or emotional abuse, is impacting on your life. How do you deal with the abuse and protect yourself and those around without getting caught up in slanging matches and useless fights and arguments?
- Acknowledge the reality of how the insidious effects of abuse of alcohol is permeating through your life and that of your family.
I'm sure you know what I mean by rational communication! You've probably tried on numerous occasions only to give up because the other person won't listen or is too intoxicated to make any sense. Knowing how and when to communicate is essential if you are to put new strategies into place.
- Find ways to get some rational communication happening between you and your affected loved one.
The most common thing I encounter amongst family members is a lack of understanding of their role in helping their loved ones to stop drinking. All too often, their well-meant actions are actually enabling them to maintain their habit. Understanding the difference between enabling and supporting someone is vital if you are to play a positive role in helping them to achieve sobriety.
- Take an honest look at yourself and the actions you are taking. Are you helping or hindering?
You wouldn't be reading this if whatever it is that you are doing now, was working. Knowing what works and what doesn't work may be very challenging, especially in the beginning but in the long run these things work and although they may seem tough on your loved one they can also be very tough on you. That's why you need to get support for yourself as well.
- Learn what strategies others have used and found to work most effectively when coping with an alcoholic.
It is not my intention to tell you what you have to do. At the end of the day, you are the one who is going to have to make the choices and endure the consequences. Having an awareness of the available alternatives will allow you to make informed decisions on whatever choice you make.
- Get an awareness around the options available to you.
In my Ebook "The Key to Recovery - The Family and the Alcoholic" you'll discover exactly how...
- How living in a State of Denial prevents you from moving forward and how Acceptance paves the way to new beginnings.
- Why Effective Communication is vital in order to implement the necessary changes.
- How acknowledging your Feelings and Emotions will lead to a feeling of well-being.
- How to manage and overcome your feelings of Guilt and Shame.
- Why getting caught up in "The Blame Game" is so destructive and disempowering.
- The fundamental difference between Support and Enabling.
- How the setting of Boundaries and Agreements can be the Most Powerful way to help an alcoholic to stop drinking.
- Why learning to Detach Yourself from the alcoholic that you love will not only free you from the chaos but will also force them to take responsibility for themselves.
- The importance of understanding Relapse and the value of Rehabilitation.
Each section includes strategies and ideas that others have used very effectively when dealing with their loved ones and...These Things Work.
With your whole life and that of your family focussed on and revolving around your affected loved one, all your energy, your thoughts and feelings are being sucked up by this out of control person whose main thought in life is how and where to get the next drink.
Think about this...if you are flying in a plane and the cabin depressurises, what does the flight attendant tell you to do?No matter who you are travelling with, including a child or a sick person, they tell you to...
"Put the Oxygen Mask on Yourself First?"
If you don't, you'll CRUMBLE and so will everyone else around you!
Here's what some of the family members of alcoholics have had to say after attending one of my group sessions...
"Thank you so much for your extra gift of time and advice. Your direction has helped us to open up some good communication with our son and we learnt a lot from the broader group discussion. Diana, I believe you have a book in you...you should share your knowledge with others in the same situation as ourselves."
Tim S. NSW Australia
"On the day that I came to your group session I was feeling very anxious and almost at bursting point. I was angry with my husband' and blaming him for all the problems that we were having in our lives. You have no idea what a difference it made when you told me that it was OK to feel angry, that it was a normal emotion and that I was expressing what thousands of other people going through the same thing were experiencing.
I have used many of the strategies that you talked about and although my husband has not stopped drinking completely, he has had long periods of sobriety. I have learnt when is the best time to talk to him and although I haven't found it easy, I have stuck by the boundaries that I set. I have also started going to Alanon...it's good to talk to other people in a similar situation and not feel judged by them.
Thank you for all the guidelines and for helping me to start living again."
Alison B. Sydney, Australia.
"My husband and I have been at loggerheads for years because of our daughter's erratic and embarrassing behaviour due to her drinking. We could never agree on what was the best way to help her and our daughter used our differences to her benefit. After we came to your session we realized that we needed to maintain a solid front and that the best way to help our daughter was to set boundaries as you suggested and allow her to suffer the consequences.
It's been a painful process and there have been many times when we have wanted to give in, but by standing together we have got through it for the time being. Things got really bad for our daughter and she finally took herself into a rehab, which was the best thing she could have done.
We've defintely seen a change in her and as far as we know she isn't drinking at the moment. Thank you for all your help...the relationship between myself and my husband is better than it has been for years."
Marion T. Woolongong, NSW.
"I came to your family session a few weeks ago. I'm 14 and when Mum gets drunk I get angry because I have to look after my younger brother and sister all the time. I didn't say much at the time, but I took in a lot of what you said and I'm really looking forward to reading your book when it comes out. Thanks."
Jason, Sydney, Australia
How often have you asked yourself the question...
How can I FIX him? How can I FIX her?
Wanting to fix and get help for the alcoholic who you love (but don't always like!) is the most natural thing in the world, and the answer is, of course, that YOU can't fix him/her.
Much as you would love to be able to fix your alcoholic loved one, YOU CAN'T. The only one who can do it is the alcoholic him/herself.
Don't even try to "FIX" an alcoholic. Learn how you can help them to make the changes for themselves.
When an aquaintance called me recently, he was clearly distressed and confused. His wife, a newly diagnosed alcoholic, had come out of a rehab center only a few months previously. He had felt happy and relieved that she had finally decided to get help. He thought this was the answer to all her (AND HIS) problems...He thought she was cured... "FIXED" ...and that everything would be back to normal.
But now, here she was, back in Rehab for the second time! He was bewildered and angry! He couldn't understand WHY and he wanted answers. His blood pressure had shot up, his levels of anxiety were sky high, trust had flown out of the window and he had no idea where to turn to get help for himself.
Hearing the reality of what it means for someone to be an alcoholic was, at first, difficult for him to comprehend but he was relieved to know that it is not unusual for someone to go back into rehab and that relapse and return visits are very much part of the disease.
He was learning that what he was experiencing was "normal"...That it was OK to FEEL angry, hurt, sad and disillusioned.
Who wouldn't feel that way when they see someone they love destroying themselves and the people around them. Of course you are going to react negatively to someone's totally unacceptable alcoholic behavior and there are probably times when you feel like throttling them!... But retaliation and punishment is not the answer.
*** Get an understanding of the disease, learn which strategies are likely to have the greatest impact on the drinker and, most importantly, which are the best strategies that are going to help YOU.
** Remember... there's no point trying to have a rational conversation with someone who is intoxicated because alcohol is a mind altering substance which affects the way they think and the way they respond.
You might as well talk to a brick wall!
A Word of Caution!
There are tons of well meaning people out there wanting to give you advice on what they believe to be the best ways to deal with the alcoholic in your life, but before you follow through on any such advice, make sure that they are coming from a place of...Knowledge and Understanding and NOT from a place of Anger & Resentment...
All too often, people are ready to hand out advice when they have never experienced what it really feels like to live with an alcoholic and do not understand the nature of the disease.
Make sure that:
- That any infomation they give you is based on the facts about alcoholism.
- They understand the nature of the disease of alcoholism and the associated alcohol problems.
- That they have a clear understanding of how family members, friends, work colleagues and numerous others are affected by the alcoholic behavior.
- They know, from experience as much as possible about alcohol and family issues and the most effective measures required to help your loved one to stop drinking
- They understand how crucial it is for YOU to get support for yourself
- They appreciate the importance of making every effort to bridge the gap between you and your alcoholic husband, wife, friend or spouse rather than making rash decisions to sever the relationship
Your goal is to help and support your loved one to achieve sobriety whilst maintaining your own dignity and self respect in order to regain a normal and loving relationship.
Never forget that YOU count and that you have a right to lead your life as YOU choose!
The secret is in knowing what to do and what NOT to do and having the strength and support to carry things through.
Believe me, I've been in the EXACT same spot you're in right now...
I remember the stress, the confusion, the uncertainty and I never dreamt for one moment that someone so close to me would become an alcoholic and I felt far too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it. So I learnt the hard way. Through trial and error, broken relationships and a lot of pain, I learnt how to get my life back. I still have concerns and worries but I've learnt how to manage them and that's what I want to share with you.
The key to recovery is about each person involved taking responsibilty, knowing what works and what doesn't work and putting tried and tested strategies into practice.
I've put together all that I know, in simple and easy terms, of ways in which YOU can learn to manage life around the problems that you encounter when living with or close to an alcoholic.
What you'll get is a down-to-earth, step-by-step guide of tried and tested ways for you to take responsibilty for your life while allowing your loved one to take responsibilty for his/her life.
NO-ONE will tell you that's its easy and there will be times when you will have to make some very difficult choices and decisions...But what are your alternatives?...How long do you want to continue living this miserable existence?
You know what I mean...the secrecy... the lies...the denial and the manipulation, just to mention a few...behaviours that you continually put up with day after day and which lead to...
- Loss of control over your own life...
- The constant feeling of being anxious and depressed...
- Forever carrying guilt and shame for someone else...
- Loss of a social life...
- Getting physically and mentally sick yourself...
- Financial problems...And so it goes...on...and on ...and on...
There's NO MAGIC PILL!....NOT for the alcoholic and NOT for YOU!
But there are CHOICES that you can make once you are AWARE of your options.
There will be answers to the questions that you've been longing to ask....questions that have been asked over and over by hundreds of people who have been experiencing exactly the same things as you.
Questions such as...
- Why, Why, Why?...
- How can I stop him/her drinking?
- Do I have to stop having a few drinks? Should I take all the alcohol out of the house?
- What should I do when he's drunk and gets into his car?
- We've got a family wedding coming up soon, he wants to go but I know he'll get drunk! It'll be a nightmare! What should I do?
- What can I do when I come home from work and find my wife blacked out on the sofa and the kids running rife around the house?
- When he's drinking he gets very aggressive, he blames me for everything and if I retaliate he shouts at me even more. I'm sure the neighbours hear. I get really scared. What should I do?
These are just a few of the hundreds of questions people ask, over and over again.
So what can you do that will make a difference?
With my eBook you will learn ways in which you can best help yourself and your family to get back to a more balanced life...
Find out how you can best support the person you love by knowing what actions are helpful and what actions will only exacerbate the situation.
The eBook will give you information on:
- The Disease of Addiction and the importantance of understanding the disease process, the behaviour and how it manifests.
- Denial - getting honest with yourself. Who's in denial?.
- Acceptance and how your choices can make or break YOUR recovery.
- How to SUPPORT someone without ENABLING them.
- What's the most positive ROLE that you can play in this?
- Understanding your ANGER and RESENTMENT.
- How not to get get caught up in "THE BLAME GAME"
- Coming to terms with GUILT and SHAME.
- How best to initiate OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION when the time is right.
- How setting BOUNDARIES FOR YOURSELF can be the most valuable way of helping your loved one to stop drinknig.
- Learn how & whenw to stand back from it all and DETACH yourself from the alcoholic behavior.
- Your role in helping them to go to REHAB and how to cope if they RELAPSE?
Can you Imagine how you'll feel when you know that the actions you are taking, no matter how difficult, are having results and taking effect, not just for you and your family but also for your addicted partner.
Picture how relaxed you'll look and how great you'll feel when that huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders and you start leading a normal family life!
What's it worth for you to see your partner taking responsibilty for him/herself and to be having open and honest communication again?
Nobody is going to tell you that working through all this is easy or that implementing the new skills and knowledge that you've learnt is going to cure all your ills. BUT...
YOU HAVE A CHOICE ... YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE...
...For You, Your Family and the Person you Love.
You wouldn't be reading this if you weren't desperately wanting some help and my eBook is based on years of my own experience and stories gathered from husbands, wives, mothers, fathers and children of all ages.
Some of them have lived with an alcoholic for years and have learnt how to lead happy and fulfilling lives, others have supported their loved one to recovery and others have chosen to move on.
What do you want for you and your family?
How much better will you feel if you know that whatever choice you make is based on an understanding of the disease and the options available to you?
You can make a choice right now...
1. Do nothing and continue to put up with the fear and misery in the hope that in some miraculous way everything will get back to normal...
2. Search around for hours on the Internet to see if you can get answers to your questions...or
3. Download my Ebook now for $19.97 and start turning your life around.
What is all this costing you now? Where's the money going and How Much Money Is Being Thrown Away on Alcohol... $19.97 would barely pay for a bottle of wine!!!
If, as I suspect, things are rapidly falling apart around you,
when are you going to start getting help?
Just by using a few of the suggestions in my Ebook...
"The Key to Recovery - The Family and the Alcoholic"
you WILL start to see a difference.
So what have you got to lose? Do you really want to carry on with things the way they are?
I don't think so! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
If, for any reason, you aren't satisfied or the Ebook doesn't live up to your expectations, you won't lose a cent. We will refund your entire payment, no questions asked... right up to the final day of this 90 day guarantee!
It's Time To Get Your Life Back!
REMEMBER...You can't change the alcoholic, they can only change themselves
...but you can use strategies that will make a difference and...
YOU CAN HELP YOURSELF.
Don't waste any more time agonising over what is out of your control, buy your guide NOW and take control of your life...
The longer you wait, the worse things will get...THAT'S A DEFINITE.
I give you my heartfelt best wishes.
PS. How serious are about turning your life around? Learn from those who've been there. What have you got to lose?
PPS. These strategies WORK. They've been used by thousands of people who have had experiences just like you.
PPPS. Act now before the consequences become disastrous!